So I decorated, I took the photos, I smiled. We missed Julian's way of annoying everyone while taking those photos and his insisting that the cat and the dog be in the photos too. But we took the photos anyway. We put the dog and cat in the photos just like Julian would have wanted. We laughed, we smiled, we felt joy. Joy mingled with pain, but joy nonetheless. Kind of like laughing while you have a cramp in your stomach.

 

I visited Julian's grave and then we spent the rest of the day at Chatfield with friends who know our pain. We rode our new e-bikes, grilled burgers and brats, paddle boarded. It was a good day. A hard day but a good day. And really, isn't that just life? The good and the hard living together? Social media would have us think otherwise but if we're honest, there's rarely good without the hard.

 

On the way home last night with fireworks going off on every side of us, I thought of all the other grieving parents. Especially those who have lost their sons and daughters while fighting for our freedom. And I didn't feel quite so alone. There're lots of hurting people out there. Lots of parents who aren't celebrating with all of their children. Lots of widows wishing they could celebrate with their spouse. Lots of kids missing a sibling or a parent. Many of which lost their lives while fighting for our country. And it hit me how much we ALL need comfort, and grace, and Jesus in the good times, the hard times and in the times where the good and hard happen simultaneously.

 

Certainly, those like us who are suffering a huge loss, but also those who are depressed for some reason or no reason at all, those who feel like life isn't worth living, those who wonder if anyone would even miss them if they were gone; those who feel overwhelmed by life's circumstances. Those who are in the hospital with a loved one fighting for their health or life, those who are in the throws of the newborn stage with severe lack of sleep; those who feel like life is dirty diapers and dirty laundry and what's the point of all of this, those who just lost a job; those who have a rebellious teen; those who are wondering if their marriage is going to make it...there's really no end to the hard. There's a world of people trying to juggle the good with the hard.

 

But it's in the hard that we seek Christ, isn't it? We often don't recognize our need for Him when life is grand...when we are on the mountaintops. It's when we lose the control of some circumstance and we find ourself in the valley that we remember that we truly are like withering grass or a fading flower.

It's in the valleys where God does much of His transforming work in our lives, where He has our full attention. "Untested faith may be true faith, but it is sure to be small faith, and it is likely to remain little as long as it is without trials. Faith never prospers so well as when all things are against her: Tempests are her trainers, and bolts of lightning are her illuminators."

 

If the hard is what makes me run to the cross, how can I despise it? Would I wish for all the treasures of Egypt over my years in the desert with the Lord leading the way? God forbid it.

 

So here we are, at God's mercy every holiday, no, every minute of every day. And all we can do is pray that He keeps us sane, keeps us hopeful, keeps us with the right perspective in the good and the hard. Keeps us pressing forward during our days left on this earth. Because only HE can do all of these things. I certainly cannot.

 

So with Spurgeon, I pray, "Lord, keep us everywhere. Keep us when in the valley, that we murmur not against Thy humbling hand; keep us when on the mountain that we wax not giddy through being lifted up; keep us in youth, when our passions are strong; keep us in old age, when becoming conceited of our wisdom, we may therefore prove greater fools than the young and giddy; keep us when we come to die, lest, at the very last, we should deny Thee! Keep us living, keep us dying, keep us laboring, keep us suffering, keep us fighting, keep us resting, keep us everywhere, for everywhere we need Thee, O our God!"

 

I hope you all had a lovely 4th!

 

xo

Dawn