Not all our Fridays are hard anymore. We noticed the time today, Noy posted a photo on instagram in honor of him and we had a glass of wine on the back patio. Of course there's never a day without the emptiness and some days are certainly harder than others but we're learning to find the joy in the now and lean in to the sorrow. There’s valuable lessons to be learned there. We still ask each other, "how are you, this morning?" and "how are you mentally today?" We check in on each other daily because we never know what emotions the day will bring.

 

The girls dream of Julian but I almost never do. Maybe three or four times he's showed up in my dreams. He was playing with his hair in a couple of the dreams, and I'm touching his face in all of them. The dreams haven't necessarily been about him but he's just there, like in the car or room with us. The last time I dreamed of him he had a tattoo of the letters “Fr” on his wrist. I didn't try to read into it and I don't look for him in anything earthly.

 

Some people see their departed loved ones in a certain animal or some other object and I think that's lovely but I just don't. He didn't have anything super special that he left us with except his kaka. It was one of those little tiny blankets with the head of a puppy that I received as a gift at my baby shower when I was pregnant with him. He loved that thing. He slept with it his whole life. Once when he was about three or four, we left it at a hotel in Texas and didn't realize it until we were an hour down the road. We had to turn around and drive all the way back to get it. He named it kaka before he could talk and it just stuck. It was the only thing we had placed in the casket with him.

I woke up happy today and during my quiet time this morning, for some reason I turned to Psalm 30 since it has been 30 weeks. I've never done that but I guess it was a prompting from the Lord.

 

The whole Psalm is beautiful and worth a daily read but I love these two stanzas:

————-

I will exalt you Lord, for you rescued me.

You refused to let my enemies triumph over me.

O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you restored my health.

You brought me up from the grave, O Lord.

You kept me from falling into the pit of death.

Sing to the Lord, all you godly ones!

Praise his holy name.

For his anger lasts only a moment,

but his favor lasts a lifetime!

Weeping may last through the night,

but joy comes with the morning.

————

I have a habit of looking for good commentary on Scriptures I love or don't understand. It can turn into a rabbit trail sometimes but today I came across this little commentary by Thomas Brooks that really spoke to me. It may take a couple of reads but there's riches in there that are worth digging for:

————

“Weeping may endure for the night but joy comes with the morning.”

Their mourning shall last but until morning.

 

God will turn . . .

their winter's night into a summer's day,

their sighing into singing,

their grief into gladness,

their mourning into music,

their bitter into sweet,

their wilderness into a paradise.

 

The life of a Christian is filled up with interchanges of

sickness and health,

weakness and strength,

want and wealth,

disgrace and honor,

crosses and comforts,

miseries and mercies,

joys and sorrows,

mirth and mourning.

 

All honey would harm us;

all wormwood would undo us—

a composition of both is the best way to keep our souls in a healthy constitution.

 

It is best and most for

the health of the soul—that the warm south wind of mercy, and the cold north wind of adversity—do both

blow upon it.

 

And though every wind which blows,

shall blow good to the saints;

yet certainly their sins die most, and their graces thrive best, when they

are under the frigid, drying, nipping north wind of calamity, as well as under the warm, nourishing south

wind of mercy and prosperity.

 

 

Later this afternoon a memory popped up on my google photos. Bella had posted Psalm 30 on her stories a year ago. God really is amazing.

 

Thanks for reading!

 

xo

Dawn