A couple of months ago, the Dean at Wesley’s school gave an illustration during his message at chapel which impacted me. He told the story about his own pastor in Florida who was a brilliant man, attorney, and a college professor. One day while running, he suffered a massive heart attack and after an extended period in a coma, woke up with all of his memory gone. He didn’t remember his name, his wife, his children, etc. but he remembered this…that he was a Christian and that he loved Jesus. He used this illustration to demonstrate his text in Ephesians that the work of salvation and grace is not done by any works of our own but by the Holy Spirit alone. Which is a beautiful illustration of that, no doubt. But I took something else away from this story that I thought I would share.
After losing Julian this year, the array of emotions that we have felt seem to vary day by day. Being a good steward of our pain and suffering has been a resounding theme which we come back to again and again because it helps knowing there is purpose to our grief and suffering. I have tried to do just that by encouraging others whom God has put in my path in the midst of their own suffering. But many days in recent months, emptiness is the overwhelming feeling. I have expressed this to Noy on many occasions and wrote about it several times. God has revealed to me over and over that He truly does do his best work with our emptiness but it doesn’t erase the pain and feeling of lostness. What stood out to me most about this pastor’s story was not only that the Holy Spirit does all of the work in our lives that lead to our sanctification and salvation, but that God chose to take all of this pastor's knowledge that he clearly used to teach and lead others, and left him with nothing but Jesus. Though He chooses many times to use the gifts and sufferings He has given us to bless others, and to further His Kingdom, ultimately it is our hearts He is after. If we know nothing but Christ, what greater gift could we ask? That He would pursue us not just to use us but to empty us of ourselves so that we are left with nothing but Him is such a beautiful picture of His goodness and love toward His own.
I had the privilege of visiting a friend’s mom, Jane on occasion before she passed recently. Jane was in a home suffering from dementia. I’ve never had much experience with people suffering from dementia so I often didn’t know how much she could understand or some days, if she was even awake. So during my visits, I told her stories and prayed with her. Her daughter told me how brilliant her mom was and that her mom feared this would happen to her because it happened to her own mother. During one visit, I tried to pull up a Psalm to read to her because I was running out of things to talk about. The internet was not working and my Bible app would not launch so instead I told her the story the Dean shared about his pastor. I told her that I had heard how brilliant she was and that though she has trouble putting her thoughts into words, Christ was content with her heart. Her emptiness was all he needed. As I was leaving, she managed to tell me that “that was beautiful.” ❤️ Then on the way home, I got to wondering if just maybe, God uses all of our suffering and memory loss in old age to empty us to leave room only for Him, preparing us for eternity. And not just in our old age, but in everyone's emptiness in the midst of their suffering. What a beautiful way to view the pain experienced in our Christian journey.
My Morning & Evening from Spurgeon said, "Winter in the soul is by no means a comfortable season, and if it be upon you just now it will be very painful to you: but there is this comfort, namely, that the Lord makes it. He sends the sharp blasts of adversity to nip the buds of expectation: he scatters the frost like ashes over the once verdant meadows of our joy: he casts forth his ice like morsels freezing the streams of our delight. He does it all, he is the great Winter King, and rules in the realms of frost, and therefore you must not murmur. Losses, crosses, heaviness, sickness, poverty, and a thousand other ills, are of the Lord’s sending, and come to us with wise design. Frosts kill noxious insects, and put a bound to raging diseases; they break up the ground, and sweeten the soil. O that such good results would always follow our winters of affliction!”
Seeing the heavy frost covering the ground as I drove to school the next morning, Spurgeon’s illustration came to life for me and I thanked God again for his faithfulness to me in the midst of my emptiness.
When I ask why, Lord?, He never tells me but He never fails to let me know He’s with me in it all.
Xo
Dawn
Photo credit goes to Noy on a frosty morning at Fossil Trace Golf Club
Psalm 147:
3. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
4. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.
5. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.
8. He covers the sky with clouds; he supplies the earth with rain and makes grass grow on the hills.
9. He provides food for the cattle and for the young ravens when they call.
10. His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of the warrior;
11. The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.
16. He spreads the snow like wool and scatters the frost like ashes.
17. He hurls down his hail like pebbles. Who can withstand his icy blast?
18. He sends his word and melts them; he stirs up his breezes, and the waters flow.
19. He has revealed his word to Jacob, his laws and decrees to Israel.
20. He has done this for no other nation; they do not know his laws.
Praise the Lord.
10 Comments
Jan 2, 2024, 7:57:04 AM
Laurie - Thank you Dawn for sharing your heart. For reminding me that the frost--the winters of life are good not bad things in my life. Jesus is doing wonderful works in those frost times. May God continue to heal and use you to encourage others through your frost times.
Dec 29, 2023, 11:01:58 PM
Denise Duell - Love this Dawn. I need to be still and feel His presence more ❤️❤️
Dec 29, 2023, 5:01:40 PM
Noelle Griggs - The Lord has and will continue to use your written words. Love you, friend.
Dec 29, 2023, 12:03:16 PM
Christy Pond - Dawn thank you for sharing your journey and your heart. You are an inspiration in so many ways, and your writing is transcendently, achingly beautiful and uplifting. God bless you and your family. ❤️
Dec 29, 2023, 2:28:15 AM
Annette Rust - Thank you for sharing your journey.
Dec 29, 2023, 12:37:46 AM
Lisa Myhill - Dawn, Thank you for sharing in your writing of how The Lord has carried you through this time. This is so very beautiful! Your lives, and hearts have touched so many, and me. We love your family so much, and will continue to keep you in our prayers. ❤️🙏🏻
Dec 28, 2023, 10:47:13 PM
Emma Martin - This is so beautiful. We love you Sparks! ❤️
Dec 28, 2023, 9:34:59 PM
Barbara - Grateful to God for the gift of writing he has given you & for your generosity to share this incredible gift with us ❤️ . To God be the glory!
Dec 28, 2023, 9:28:24 PM
Pat Taylor - My heart is filled with so many emotions right now that it is clouding any words to be formed except that I’m so grateful for my precious daughter who is allowing God to use her deep loss and pain to minister to me and countless others 💔
Dec 28, 2023, 8:36:40 PM
Kathryn Moraczewski - You and your sweet family have been on my heart a lot this holiday season. I just wanted to drop you a line to say you are held in prayer. Xo