The Weight of Change: Mourning Who We Were and Embracing Who We Are Becoming

A song came on the other day that transported me to another time—a time when I didn’t carry this heavy burden of grief. And for a moment, I longed for that version of myself. I missed her. I missed her lightness, her laughter, the way she could move through the world without being weighed down by the sorrow that now colors her days. I miss not having triggers that send me spiraling. I miss being a family of six with all my children under one roof. I miss the chaos, the noise, the fullness of a house that now has half the hustle and bustle. I miss being carefree.

But am I remembering it all through rose-colored lenses?

Memory has a way of softening the edges of our past. I don’t often recall the exhaustion of sleepless nights, the worries that kept me up long before grief entered the picture, the struggles that existed even then. It’s easy to romanticize what was and believe that the best of us was left behind in a life that no longer exists. And that’s where we can get stuck. That’s where the enemy whispers that we have lost everything, including ourselves.

It is right to mourn. There is deep loss in change. But we cannot stay there.

Like precious metals in the refining fire, suffering has a way of stripping us down, revealing what is pure, burning away the excess. Diamonds do not emerge from the earth shining and set in gold—they are chiseled, cut, and shaped before they are fit for a crown. And so it is with us.

If I keep longing for who I was, I may miss the blessing of who I am becoming.

God is doing a new thing in me. I may not fully see it now, but He promises beauty from ashes. The weight of my sorrow does not define me—it is shaping me. And while I may never be that carefree version of myself again, I trust that who I am becoming is someone stronger, more empathetic, and more deeply rooted in the things that truly matter - eternal things.

We cannot live in the past, and we cannot control the future. But we can be present in today, allowing God to mold us into something new. As we share in Christ’s suffering, we are being transformed into His likeness. This refining is not wasted—it is making us more like Him. And one day, when we stand in eternity, we will finally be the truest version of ourselves, fully restored and perfected in His image.

 xo