The simple question of “how are you?” could be painful. Do you lie and say you’re fine? Do you say something like “you don’t want to know!” and leave people feeling awkward? I don’t know. I did both. Fine to the front desk lady and you don’t want to know to the dentist who asked if I enjoyed my long weekend.

 

Sitting there waiting for my permanent crown the radio is blaring. First, “Dancing Queen, only 17…”. Man, Julian will never be 17. Ugh. Then, Nirvana. First thought, didn’t Kurt Cobain take his own life? Julian will forever be known as that kid. No need to go on. You get the point. Every song, every question is a reminder that no, I’m not fine and I’m not sure I ever will be.

 

But I can’t stop living. I have three kids that need me to be okay. Thank God for that! And I definitely don’t want people walking around on eggshells around me. I hate the thought of being pitied. Bella is struggling with that now too. You don’t want people to treat you different. I’d rather get the painful questions and learn to navigate grief with grace.

 

We often get asked, “What can we do for you?” I’m sure there will be lots we will need that we don’t yet know but one thing you can do is be kind to all of those you encounter. You really have no idea what they are going through and they sure as heck don’t want to share it one thousand and one times.

 

Love the angry, love the person not turning right on red when it’s perfectly legal and no one else is coming, offer a kind word to those who seem happy or sad or bitchy because 9 times out of 10 they might just be a b*tch but wouldn’t you rather err on the side of grace?

 

I will never not be annoyed by awful drivers or people who order four frappuccino's in the Starbucks drive through but I’m on the journey of learning to give grace even when it’s undeserved. Because honestly, we are all undeserving of it sometimes.

 

Xo

Dawn